Act III: The Truth
SCENE
A confined basement in CADOR’s house. The modest room is dimly lit by pale fluorescent lights, revealing gray plastered walls and a lifeless concrete floor. Barred rectangular windows line the ceiling. A moth circles a buzzing halogen lamp hanging precariously in the corner of the basement. The incessant sound of dripping water can be faintly heard.
WALT, JOHN, CALVIN and CLANCY are seated in rusty steel chairs situated in the centre of the basement. They don novel helmet-like contraptions and are linked by a multitude of black electrical wires. All are clothed in white. CADOR stands beside WALT tweaking an electrical device strapped to his arm.
Walt (nervously): Uhh… Hey Cador… What exactly are these things that you’re putting on our arms?
Cador: Don’t worry bro. Trust me.
John (squirming in his seat and adjusting his helmet): See that’s the thing Cador. We don’t trust you. What else do you have for us? Anal probes?
Cador (walking over to John and adjusting his helmet): Shut up faggot. It’s lie detecting equipment; all part of the experiment.
Clancy: Lie detecting equipment? Dude. It looks like a bunch of kitchen utensils and some cheap wires. I’m wearing a freaking metal bowl on my head. (Taps his head).
CADOR withdraws a device from his pocket as he walks towards the halogen lamp, progressively engulfed by the shadows. His face remains ominously illuminated by the wan light emanating from the lamp.
Calvin: What’s that?
Cador: This (brandishes the device) is what tells me if you’re lying.
Clancy: What are we being asked?
Cador (with a mischievous grin spread across his face): That’s up to me.
Walt (frowning): This is not going to be good…
Cador: Alright boys, this is how it’s going to happen. I’ll ask each of you a question in turn and you will answer truthfully. If you don’t, I will know and you will get shocked. If you do –
John (suddenly sitting up): Hey hold up. We get shocked? What the fuck?
CADOR presses a button on his device enthusiastically. JOHN convulses violently, his face aghast.
John (angrily): Bro what the fuck? I didn’t even say anything. Why did you shock me for?
Cador: Test run mate. (Laughs heartily) Look, it’s all part of the psychology aspect of the experiment. Give it a chance.
Walt (in an irritated tone): You shouldn’t shock him like that man. It’s wrong.
Clancy: We should just get this over and done with guys. He needs our help for his assignment. Just start Cador.
John: I still think this is fucked. Is that shit even safe?
Cador (ignoring JOHN): First question is for Walt.
Walt: Can Calvin go first? I think Calvin wants to go first.
Calvin (turning his head sharply towards WALT): No way man! He said you first!
Cador: Whatever bro. Calvin it is. First question: (pauses briefly as if in contemplation) how did you feel after that party the other day? I’m talking about where we fucked up.
The sound of dripping water intensifies.
Calvin (with a look of conviction): Nothing.
CADOR presses a button on his device and CALVIN convulses.
Calvin: I wasn’t lying man!
Clancy: Bullshit you felt nothing. Tell the truth.
Calvin (nervously laughing): Seriously guys. It was nothing.
The fluorescent lights flicker momentarily. CADOR presses a button on his device and CALVIN begins to convulse again.
John: Dude, I think Calvin’s going to say the same thing however many times you press that button. At this rate he’s going to turn into crispy BBQ chicken.
Cador: Fine, answer this instead: what is the biggest thing you regret of late?
CALVIN tilts his head and glances upwards towards the ceiling, deliberating.
Calvin (after a while): Shaving my pubes. It gets so itchy afterwards. (Laughs nervously).
Silence fills the room. JOHN, WALT and CLANCY shift uncomfortably in their seats, their faces bearing incredulous expressions. The lights flicker.
Cador (clearing his throat): Bro, that’s fucking chat. I didn’t want to know that...
Clancy: Dude, none of us wanted to know that.
Calvin: Isn’t it normal to -
Walt: Next question please?
Cador: Yeah, good idea Walt. You’re next.
Walt (sighing): Ah fuck… I think Clancy wants to –
Clancy: That only works once man.
Cador: Walt. Your question is: who are your last four crushes?
The sound of dripping water intensifies.
Walt: Can we skip this question please? I don’t have any crushes.
CADOR presses a button on his device. WALT convulses maniacally.
Cador: Lie.
Walt (stuttering): Fine! Just don’t press that button again. (Lapses briefly) Genevieve, Krystal, Zara and Helen.
The fluorescent lights flicker sporadically.
John: Genevieve? Krystal? Are you sure you didn’t just pick the last few girls you talked to? I mean, they seem to be girls that we have met recently.
Cador: Bro, do you really like Genevieve? Because you know I can hook you up.
Walt. No…
John: So you lied.
Walt: No… I mean –
Clancy: Wait, hold up. Helen? Didn’t she like you as well? And Zara? What the fuck man? Since when?
Walt(stuttering): I-I.. Look I -
Calvin: Hey I think we should move on since Walt answered his question.
Cador: Yeah bro. I don’t think he was lying.
Clancy (in resignation): Fine.
Cador: This one’s for you then Clancy. What was your last fantasy about a girl? Describe it.
Clancy (confidently): Making out with Lillian.
John: Dude, that’s pretty soft. Are you sure that’s the truth?
Clancy: What did you expect? A wet dream?
John: Yeah.
Calvin: Who’s Lillian?
Clancy: A girl who sat in front of me in class last semester.
Walt: Did you ask her out?
Clancy: Nah. Didn’t have the balls.
John: Don’t worry man. Remember me and Torts girl? Same deal. Next semester man, next semester.
Walt: Who’s Torts girl?
John: Long Story. Anyway, I still don’t believe you only dreamed about spooning her Clancy. So PG.
Cador (laughing): I believe – I mean the machine says he’s telling the truth bro.
John: That’s such a load of bull. What an anti-climax.
Cador: We’ll see what you got then bro. Your question: you said you liked Ophelia. Why don’t you ask her out?
John (scratching his head): Don’t know. Don’t want to be in a relationship I guess?
The lights black out.
John: Does this mean I win and that we can finally bugger off?
The lights turn back on. CADOR presses a button and JOHN convulses.
Cador: No. And you were lying.
John (scratching his head): Look… (Observes the moth succumbing to temptation and flying directly into the halogen light, disintegrating in the process and leaving a trail of smoke and ash)… I’m not cut out to be boyfriend material at the moment. I wouldn’t treat her right and I couldn’t stand that. And even if I wanted to dude, it’d be tough game.
Walt: Tough game? You’re a pimp man.
John (looking askance at WALT): Funny. Have you seen me lately? I look like a shriveled peanut; with measles.
Calvin: I don’t think it makes much of a difference. Honestly.
Cador: Yeah bro.
John (unconvinced): Whatever guys. So are we done? We’ve all answered your stupid questions Cador. Can I get this fucked up bucket off my head now?
Clancy: Yeah, I want out man. You owe us big time for helping you with this experiment.
Cador (with a confused expression): Experiment?
Walt: Your psychology experiment.
Cador: Oh. About that boys… (Laughs maniacally) Truth is there is no experiment. I just set this up so you guys would spill. I thought I’d pull one over you boys. You guys are fucking brilliant.
John, Walt, Calvin and Clancy (rising out of their seats and looking at each other): WHAT?
Light filters into the room through the barred windows and casts shadows which merge with those of JOHN, WALT, CALVIN and CLANCY as if ensnaring the four in a prison cell. The new source of light splits the four’s shadows into two and illuminates the basement, revealing a larger compartment than was originally perceived.
CADOR begins to run, leaving trails of laughter as the others pursue, bellowing angry jeers.
ACT DROP
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