The Leech

The leech is an interesting creature. It is despised among humans for its association with hematophagy (though in truth, not all leeches are hematophagous) and as we humans are so opposed to the spilling of our own blood (though our history might suggest otherwise), our opinion of the creature is particularly severe. Armed with a notorious anterior ‘sucker’, the leech slyly attaches itself onto a host body and secretes anesthetic to hide its presence: the leech is not dim – it knows how to make a subtle approach.

It is often said that we ‘live and learn’. If that hackneyed phrase be the case, then I am convinced that many people live as leeches. If our faces were but portraits which veiled our inner dispositions, I am certain that many would have the formless head of a leech squirming behind their smiling canvas. Despite the surreal nature of this notion, I feel as though I have dispelled the illusion surrounding certain ‘acquaintances’ only to be dismayed by what lay beneath the front of friendship.

There is nothing more irritating than to realize that you are resource: a mere tool that is used at the discretion of another. You foolishly consider a person as a friend, but this consideration is not mutual – their perception of friendship is a guise to maintain the link between said resource and themselves. They seek you when they need you, but your existence to them is as insignificant as any passing stranger on a busy urban street. You are to them like a prostitute is to a sex deprived man. They exploit your acquiescent nature.

At risk of exuberating arrogance and vanity, I will proclaim that I am a paradigm of a resource who is probably too agreeable for his own good. To my consternation, I have as of late discovered that I have ‘friends’ who communicate with me solely with the purpose of obtaining something in return (for instance, university notes). It is difficult to convey the extent of my disappointment in these people.

“How do you deal with leeches then?” you may ask. According to Wikipedia, you may remove them by burning them off with an open flame or splashing them with acidic liquids. I may resort to these methods when my sanity begins to disintegrate (probably due to these said leeches).

Before I end this post, I must address the injustice that I have committed in dishonouring the leech by juxtaposing it with the various actions of people. First, the leech does not indulge in gluttony, which is more than what can be said for its ‘human counterpart’ (when they ask for ‘one thing’, they usually end up asking for everything). Secondly, as previously noted, the leech is subtle in its feeding. The human leech is often blatant in procuring its needs from established resources. To illustrate:

Wanker Blog Guy: “Hey! How are you?”

Friend: “Hi Mr Wanker Blog guy! Remember to send me your notes, because I have a test in three days. Oh silly me, that’s the same test you’re doing! Anyway I need to go now. TTYL”

Wanker Blog Guy: “OMG ANSWER MY QUESTION YOU FUCKING DICKHEAD. GO DIE IN A PIT. A PIT FULL OF TURD.”*

*This part never happens. Before realizing that I was a tool in both the literal and figurative sense, I used to comply with these requests and arguably, I still do.

In conclusion, leeches are awesome, but not human leeches. You guys suck (pun intended).